There’s nothing that requires more courage than an intimate relationship. This is the space where your deepest fears and insecurities rise to the surface, making it even more difficult to give yourself completely to another. Because to be truly vulnerable with another, you must open up. I get it — that can be terrifying! So terrifying, in fact, that most people choose to stay in the shallow end and live their lives (and their relationships) on the surface.
But the truth is, where your relationship is stems directly from where you are. It’s easy to be distracted and to blame our partners or external events for the state of our union. But if you want to create real, lasting change in your relationship and achieve a level of intimacy, passion, and connection that you’ve always dreamed about . . . then you must look within. It starts with you, and it starts by stepping into your pain.
Stepping into your pain means facing your fears head on. It means immersing yourself in them, rather than avoiding or even denying them altogether, which most people tend to do. Yes, it sounds intimidating, and surely you could think of a thousand things you’d rather do. But by making the decision to step into your pain, you are also making the decision to liberate yourself and even to create a new life.
It takes real courage to face your innermost challenges and to be completely vulnerable with your partner. But when you take the leap, you’ll be able grow in ways that you never have before. And, ultimately, you’ll learn how to connect with yourself and with your partner on an even deeper and more meaningful level.
TOTAL COMMITMENT TO THE TRUTH
How do you “step into your pain”? The first step is to make a total commitment to the truth. You must be willing to be open-minded and open-hearted. Because that’s the only path towards opening a new sense of awareness.
Ask yourself – what are you scared of? Where is your pain and your resistance coming from?
The truth isn’t always easy – it’s not easy to handle and it’s not always easy to find because a lot of us hide it from ourselves. But it’s in that moment of recognizing “I’m scared” and then making the decision to follow that fear — that’s how real change is made.
Most people are too scared to follow their fears. It’s easier to pull back than to dive in. But by taking the first step to acknowledge your fears, your insecurities and your pain, you’re creating a new sense of awareness and honesty. And now you’ll be in a better position to see it and take a more objective perspective.
TWO BIGGEST FEARS
Now that you’ve committed yourself to the truth, you must understand that there are two deep-seated fears that every single person shares. First, there’s the fear that you’re not enough. Second, there’s the fear that you will not be loved. No matter how confident you are, how many degrees you’ve earned, how many languages you speak, or how big a company you run, every single person has these two fears.
How do these two fears manifest in your life? What challenges have they presented for you in your relationship? Perhaps you shut down during conflict. Or maybe you run away from turmoil. Do you lash out when you feel scared? When do you feel most alone and isolated?
Understanding these fundamental fears can help you become more aware of where your pain and insecurities stem from. And you’ll be better able to see just why you’re holding back. Often, we try to preserve an identity or cling so desperately to life and relationship “rules” that we’ve constructed. We do that because we’re scared of life outside those boundaries. Take the time to analyze and assess, and become really curious about why you construct these walls.
It’s easy to cling to what we know already. After all, certainty is a fundamental human need. It takes courage to detach and step into your fear. Now, courage doesn’t mean you’re not scared. In fact, it means you’re terrified, but you do it anyway. Remember, it’s not courage if it’s not hard.
By using that courage to detach from the familiar and delve into the unknown, you’ll start to wake up. You’re going to see the other side of the coin, where you are so much more. You’re going to discover the real you and see how you’ve been selling yourself short all this time. You’re going to see your role in creating the relationship that you’re in. And you’re going to see how it’s entirely within your power to create an extraordinary, magnificent relationship.
So, harness your courage, make this decision, and take the leap.
You’ll learn what it really is to be vulnerable. And you’ll see what it is to truly experience intimacy with a partner. To be free and liberated. To be yourself. And at the end of the day, isn’t that we all yearn for?