WHY PEOPLE PLEASING IS SELFISH, NOT SELF-LESS


Are you concerned about what other people think of you?  Do you often make decisions based on what you think will please others?  Does your sense of self-worth come from the approval of others?  Do you often withhold from sharing what you truly want, think, or feel because of fear it may upset someone?  Are you often last on your list of priorities?

Believe me, you’re not alone.  Our egos love to be liked, approved, and validated.  It’s natural to want to fit in and not “upset others” because it feels safer.  All it takes is one small experience of feeling criticized/not liked/thinking we’ve upset someone or, on the flip side, getting tons of praise and validation for making others happy to develop people pleasing as a bad habit.

People pleasing is a terrible investment because it depletes your most valuable resources: time and energy.  Just think about how much energy you waste by obsessing about what other people think of you, or trying to strategize your actions to appease others.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for being a considerate and generous person.  And it feels wonderful to love others!  But being and acting from love is NOT people pleasing.  People pleasing is different because there’s an attachment to someone else’s reaction and/or a motivation to please in order to avoid an undesired negative response or judgment or get a positive one.

You may think being a people pleaser makes you a “good” person and is perhaps even a generous or loving way to be.  Nope.  It’s selfish to be a people pleaser.  Why?  Because being attached to pleasing others is really about you.  YOU are the one who wants to be liked.  YOU are the one who doesn’t want to upset anyone.  YOU are the one who wants to look good for others.  YOU are the one who’s not okay with other people’s reactions.  YOU are the one protecting yourself from confrontation.  And YOU are the one who’s choosing to withhold expressing who you TRULY are.  And by doing all those things, you’re keeping Yourself, your Light and your Love from the world – and that, my friends, is selfish.

Remember this: what other people think of you is none of your business.

Obsessing about how to please others or be liked is a misuse of your energy.  Just imagine for a moment what you could create in your life if you took back even HALF of the time and energy you invest in people pleasing?  Stop contorting yourself to be what you think others want or expect.  See yourself now reclaiming all that time and energy you expend on being over-responsible for others or working to impress others and refocus it on being of service without attachment, sharing your gifts, taking care of you, and expressing your true self!!

Trust me, when you do that you’ll have an overflow from which to give from and you’ll be able to give without attachment or expectation.

And remember…

No one else determines your worth.

No one else can dictate what you deserve.

Other people’s reactions, responses, and feelings are not your responsibility.

Someone else’s opinion of you is not the Truth.

Your value does not come from how others perceive you.

What other people think of you is none of your business.  YOUR business is between you and your Higher Self/Higher Power/God.

Have the courage to stop fearing what other people think of you, your choices, and their reactions.  Have the courage to be self-honoring instead of selfish.

 

 

 

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