5 Ways to Move On From A Heart-Wrenching Breakup


There’s no doubt about it—a breakup will test your spiritual fortitude.  While you may want to call names and point fingers, I advise taking the high road.  The suggestions below are aimed at spiritual warriors who understand that brutal breakups often lead to beautiful breakthroughs.

  1. Choose happiness. 

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Your ex doesn’t determine your happiness or your self-esteem.  Life is short, so don’t waste it crying over someone who doesn’t value all the gifts you bring to the table.  If they don’t, someone else will.

Refuse to spend every day drowning in misery.  Instead, take this time to grow. Vow to learn your lessons now so you’ll stop repeating the same mistakes in future relationships.

  1. Feel the pain. 

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.  Face your negative emotions as they arise, allowing yourself to feel sadness, grief, anxiety, and anger.  Your emotions have risen to the surface for a reason.  What are they here to teach you?

After a tough breakup, you’ll inevitably feel a range of emotions.  But as you allow yourself to feel, you’ll notice something unbelievable—the negative emotions will loosen their grip.  You will feel bone-crushing sadness, but you’ll also feel hope, gratitude, and joy at different moments in your day.  Negativity only takes root when you fight against it.  But, as you relent, it passes.  Often, it transforms into something beautiful and uplifting.

We are complex humans with a range of emotions.  But we learn through contrast.  So, don’t be afraid of the bad ones; they often allow you to feel gratitude for the good ones.

  1. Accept. 

The Serenity Prayer counsels to “accept the things you cannot change” and to “change the things you can.”  You cannot change your ex’s feelings, behavior, or capacity for kindness or empathy.  But you can change yourself.  Learn from your mistakes, grow stronger, and take this time to fortify your character.

Resist the urge to tell your ex how to live his/her life.  Living your life is a full-time job; you don’t have time to live his/hers.  Just like you, your ex is an adult—responsible for his/her decisions and the consequences of his/her actions.  Once you take the focus off your ex, you’re free to do the hard work of examining your own behavior.  Work on self-improvement so you can pave the way to greater happiness, self-esteem, and confidence.

  1. Grow in empathy. 

Empathy provides light in dark moments.  It’s also the gateway to forgiveness. Regardless of the outcome of your relationship, you’ll need to make peace with the past so you can move forward in an evolved and empowering new way.

  1. Remain open to possibilities. 

I teach my clients to remain open to what Deepak Chopra calls the “field of all possibilities.”

This “crisis” could be the catalyst for a better, more conscious relationship between you and your ex.  He/she may “wake up,” take ownership of the chaos he/she created and do the hard work necessary to be a better partner.  You, too, may undo your own dysfunctional behaviors and move toward growth and forgiveness.

If your ex doesn’t take this opportunity for self-analysis and improvement, you dodged a bullet, avoiding a partnership and/or marriage that would’ve likely ended in heartbreak or divorce.  You’re then free to find an emotionally mature and stable partner with the fortitude to do the hard work that healthy relationships demand.

But, most importantly and regardless of your partner’s behavior, you can use this time to deepen your love for yourself—the most important person in your life.  As you grow and improve, your chances for a fruitful and loving relationship does too.

The Universe is always working for our best interest.  Avoid attaching to any particular ending.  Instead, say, “If not this, something better.”

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