Relationship is the #1 school for personal growth and spiritual development in our modern world.  Our relationships are teachers that help us become more whole, conscious, and compassionate human beings.

Sure, you can try to avoid ever getting your triggers hit by rejecting relationships altogether.  But unless you become a hermit, your soul is going to make sure those triggers get activated by someone.  That’s the case with one of my clients, Mary (not her real name).  After her fiancé ended their 10-year relationship nearly four years ago, she has completely shunned romantic relationships.  Then, suddenly, some of the issues she used to have with men started to show up in her relationship with her best girlfriend.

Strange?  No, not at all.  The soul wants to evolve, and it’s going to get its learning one way or another.  I believe trying to avoid relationship altogether is counter to what we’re meant to do here as spiritual beings having a human experience.

The truth is that intimate relationships give us the absolute best schoolroom for our growth. They bring out the best in us because we love so deeply, but they also bring out the worst in us because they cause us to bump up against our defenses and fears.  As I’ve said before, we attract partners who trigger us the most.  They show us the disowned parts of ourselves.

So, if you’ve ever wondered why the same issues tend to come up in relationship after relationship—or repeatedly in your current relationship—it’s because those issues are the core of your curriculum.  You’ll always unconsciously orchestrate the exact relationship you need in order to learn what your soul wants you to learn in this life.  

If you need to learn that you’re lovable, you’ll feel rejected over and over.  If you need to learn that your body is beautiful, you’ll draw partners who criticize those few extra pounds.  If you need to learn how to own your own space in the world, you’ll repeatedly choose relationships where you have to fight for your voice to be heard. 

Your soul sees relationship as a perfect opportunity to finally break free of wounds and fears that have kept you in chains, probably for years.  So, if you find yourself attracting or attracted to relationships where you see the same issues over and over, it’s because you still have work to do to break free of those issues.

When we don’t approach relationship as a spiritual path and listen to the messages our soul sends us from our partner, our triggers derail us emotionally.  We keep making the same choices, actions, and decisions, so the future shows up just like the past.  Then, our relationships often fall apart in a painful way, and we end up facing those same patterns in our next partnership.

If you’re ready to embrace relationship—including the one between you and you!—as a resource for evolution and healing, I’d love to do some one-on-one coaching with you!  Send me a private message or head to the “Contact Me” page on my website (


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