Our parents are the first people we love and look to for guidance and support. They teach us how to walk and talk, and shape our beliefs about ourselves, other people, a higher power, how the world works, and what it takes to be “successful.” Everything they said or did got stored somewhere in our memory. We yearned for their love, approval, and attention.
Needless to say, our parents have a significant impact on our lives. And how they parented us impacts how we parent ourselves today. Many of our core wounds come from things that happened at home. Maybe you had a parent who was critical. A parent who left. A parent who was an addict. A parent who was abusive. A parent who was smothering. A parent who had incredibly high expectations. A parent who was emotionally unavailable.
I could go on and on. But I won’t. Because I’m not writing this to indulge your inclination to blame your parents or throw yourself a pity party. I’m writing this blog to encourage you to take responsibility for your own life once and for all.
Now, don’t get me wrong: You have my compassion if you had a parent(s) who didn’t give you the love/affection/attention/recognition/security that you craved. I experienced that myself, so I really get that it’s a huge challenge to overcome. But you CANovercome it.
The first step is to move into 100% acceptance of the parents you had. Let go of any attachment to wanting them to be different. Let go of any expectation that someday you may get the love/affection/attention/recognition/security from them that you desire.
I realize this may sound crazy, but one of the most important things that I’ve learned is this: your parents did the best they could. Really, they did. They had their own pasts and their own parents who impacted how they parented you.
Not to mention, they most likely had their own inner demons that impacted how they showed up for you.
The problem is that you took their pain personally. You thought you did something wrong or were unlovable in some way and that is why your parent(s) didn’t love you the way you wanted. And that fundamental misunderstanding is the reason why you struggle with self-love, worth, confidence and fulfillment today.
This struggle can stop once you truly understand that you did NOTHING wrong. You’re 100% lovable and worthy of love. You’re enough just as you are. There’s nothing you need to do to earn love.
You must STOP looking to your parents either with blame or with the desire for them to change. It’s time to take back your power. It’s time to stop being a victim of your circumstances. It’s time to stop allowing your past to create your future and present.
How do you do that?
You become the parent to yourself that you didn’t have. You accept their role in your life and all the lessons you learned. You set boundaries with your parents. You let go of all expectations of them and create your soul family.
Remember: Your parents did the best they could. They didn’t mess you up, and you’re not broken. They’re the perfect teachers for the things you’re here to learn in this lifetime. Forgive them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone their behavior; it simply means you let go of the judgment and blame so YOU can be free.