Think about online dating apps/sites and their assessments of compatibility.  What do they ask you to list?  Interests, activities, beliefs, goals, values.  Those are important to know, but they’re not indicators of true compatibility.

Instead, compatibility is related to emotional intelligence.  Social psychologist Eli Finkel proposes that what’s more important than finding someone just like you, or who compliments you, is to find someone “with a personality that is conducive to relationships…someone who has relationship aptitude.”

So, what’s relationship aptitude?  It’s the ability to develop and sustain intimacy and trust.  Broadly speaking, it’s someone who’s respectful in their communication and actions, yet assertive of their needs and aware of and receptive to others’ needs.

When you think about compatibility, think less about what you have in common, and more about intentionally treating one another with respect, validation, and appreciation for the good things you share in your relationship.



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